velocity without direction is just wasted energy

im going slowly more insane with each passing day.

i need a release.

physical activity doesnt work. i need to take out my rage on someone.

Erebus

we are the wolves that make you fear the dark.
you are the humans that make us fear the day.
hostile to all...
all but our own.

a realisation is a bastard of a thing.
sleeping with the enemy for so long, how could i not realise it till now.
fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck.

i can feel myself slipping into old, familiar ways. for a few months there i was getting better but now its creeping back. probably just the fucked up sleep habits due to not having a job.

ah to feel complete again. lightning and thunder is not the same without the rain...

writers block has come back with a vengeance.

it just gets worse...

im not sure about this thing anymore. it's like it's served its purpose...

anything more would just be reiterating the same points. the same fucking "points"...

there is no point.

weekend

was awesome. everyone was awesome.

awesome.

more basketball please

This time coming

hooooooooooooooooooooooooley shit. FUCKING SHIPWRECK. i never ever thought i would ever see these cunts, been one of my favourite bands for like 3 years or some shit...

im afraid.

AND DEN the next fucking morning i am flying to hong kong to be a big time playaaaaa and buy some sweet adidas jumpsuits and adidas shell-toes for cheap... maybe some gold watches (not authentic)...

WHO WANTS TO PLAY SOME C-LO?!?! IM BRINGING A WHOLE SOCK FULL OF MONEYS TO SHIPWRECK

dewd

im tired of people talking of raging, and them being ragers... sediment that gathers during the working week, the hate is still there but the numbness keeps the water still... until the weekend, this music stirs up the monster inside, clouding everything.

i never thought of hurting others, i only want to destroy myself. but im definately not sorry hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhaa...

the only thing raging about them is their bon0rs for other dudes. or their bon0rs for other girls..

make sense? no?

good.

it was going so well..

was a fairly good weekend, up until after the show. where i was convinced to go to a 21st of a old school friend of mine... where it just reminded me of how alienated i am from the average person the same age of me. trust, goals, happiness comes so easily to these people... yelling conversations over loud foo fighters, dancing with each other, generally having fun. while i was sitting in the corner trying not to gain attention from them, hoping beyond hope they would not come talk to me, that they would not come and see the desperation for release on my face...

of course then came on the long drive home the wonder "whats wrong with me?" emerged. along with the necessary self loathing and disgust and panic.

it seems ive made my bed, and i really cannot wait to sleep in it. i want to sleep. im giving in but never giving up.

Pale Horse

"...is that a light, or the Pale Horse i can see?
no rider to carry my destiny,
it seems the decision is up to me,
destroy myself or release to be free..."

humans are a fucking virus. not matter how many times i write this out, delete it, write it out again, and edit it... nothing ever seems to come out right.

"the lights are off but someone's home,
21 years of darkness has made this my own
Erebus has come out of the abyss,
and swallowed me whole"

blogs suck

What can you get from my blog? What WILL you get from my blog? nothing. may as well stop reading now. you wont get wisdom, you wont get anything you haven't read before, and you sure as fuck wont get good grammar...

you might just get some shitty ramblings

"Every word you said ripped right through my gut
Shredding every ounce, now ive had enough
it used to be i would never be like you
i MUST never be like you...

But now its not so sure, im in a different light
Seeing myself in you was worth the fear
the mirror is now an enemy i cannot fight
seeing this disgust for myself grow every year"

and what the FUCK is with shows that have canned laughter, if you dont know when to laugh at a programme, you should probably stop breathing now.